Are You Living A Lie?

About 3 years ago

“When all else fails try the truth…”

I sat there on the phone, silent for a moment.

He repeated the words.

“When all else fails, try the truth…”

What a profound concept.

…Try the truth.

My father has a special gift that allows his words to echo through my mind years after he said them.

The Truth

What is the truth?

 What an odd thing to say.

Doesn’t everyone know the truth? Isn’t this obvious?

What if it’s not?

What if the truth is always evading us, always hiding?

The Lie is Always present

We must admit to ourselves that we are always capable of buying into the lie.

What is the lie?

The lie is complex, manipulative, tempting.

Your lie is my truth.

My truth is your lie.

4 years ago I thought I wanted to be a principal, run my own school, change the education system… It was a lie.

Yes, it was a dream – but it wasn’t my dream, it was someone else’s dream.

Do you want to be a doctor… Or do your parents want you to be a doctor?

Are you buying into the lie?

Do you continue to talk about the book you will “someday” write… Yet you haven’t written the first page.

What if the lie cloaks himself in disguise of the truth?

At every turn we face temptation and dangers to buy into the lie.

“I just need more money” “Everybody hates their job” “I’ll do it tomorrow.” “I deserve a break.” “I’ll start my diet next week.” “I can’t afford it.” “I am too young” “I am too old”

Are you lying to yourself?

Living a Lie instead of a Dream

The Truth

The truth is always evading us. But why? Why is this truth so difficult to discover?

I am not arrogant enough to claim to have the answer. But I do have a thought.

Maybe, possibly, it is because we do not know the truth.

Everyday we claim to know what we want, yet we have no clue what we actually want… We are living a lie.

How scary is that?

Take a breath, and come with me.

The truth is not a destination, but rather a journey.

The problem lies in our constant search for the concrete unquestionable definitive answer…

What if it doesn’t exist?

What if the truth is a path, a journey, an exploration?

Not a conquest.

The further along the journey we go, the more we realize we do not know.

Is that wrong? Horrible? Injustice?

No. It’s not.

There is beauty in ambiguity… Isn’t there?

With ambiguity comes possibility, surprise, and opportunity.

Ambiguity makes everyday exciting… If we embrace it.

Unfortunately it can be difficult to embrace.

“How can I pay my bills?” “Where will I find a job?” “Will I ever get married?” “What will make me happy?”

I cannot tell you to embrace ambiguity. That statement alone would show an arrogance and disrespect for the journey.

The ability to embrace ambiguity is a consequence of a process.

The lies concern me.

Embracing ambiguity will not be discovered in a 5 step formula, a 700 word blog post, or even a 200 page book…

Yes those may help, but more is required.

You must take the risk, step into life, give experience its proper respect.

What if the truth isn’t meant to be discovered? 

What if the truth can never be discovered?

What if the truth is the journey and not the destination?

 

Am I Crazy?

Does all of this sound vague, weird, unclear?

I hope so.

If it makes 100 percent sense I have done an incredible injustice to the truth.

I humbly admit I cannot fully grasp the truth.

Maybe it is because there is no “the truth”. It is ever changing, always growing, always moving.

Each of our truths is unique, vague, and incredibly complex.

Sometimes becoming more clear, other times appearing distant and beyond reach.

It extends far beyond any words… At least beyond my words.

It is something inside of our hearts, our soul, our being.

What if the purpose of life is not to discover the mystery, but to embrace the mystery?

Are you embracing the beauty in the mystery?

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  • http://lucidability.com/ Jamie Alexander

    I think the truth is being happy right here, right now.

    You can spend ages looking for something, but I know from experience the goal posts always change and you want more. Once you realize and become happy with the right here, right now you can just sit back and enjoy the journey.

    I’m not saying you shouldn’t attempt stuff. Just that you should first accept your inner-self before you do. Then you never get unhappy. Have you ever read The Power Of Now? It’s a really good read.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Yo Jamie,

      I think you bring up a very powerful point. I have definitely been at points in my life where I am chasing a goal thinking that I will become happy as soon as I reach the goal. Often after I reach the goal, it feels good but it doesn’t provide the answers I was hoping for. It took me a while to learn this. Now, I still have my goals but I know the destination won’t make me happy. It is the journey.

      I have to throw this out. I don’t think that simply being happy now is a guarantee that we are following the truth. If I’m in a bad relationship but it hurts to leave does my happiness today(staying with her) lead me to the truth? I may be in a dead end job that is killing me. But I financially cannot afford to leave. So I can leave today (short term happiness) but set myself up for future intense stress. Or I could suck it up right now start saving and make a 6 month exit plan.

      That being said, I think you hit on a big point. They key is to find a way to be happy right now. I guess this starts by recognizing that happiness is a consequence of a process. Would you disagree?

      My question is: What is the process that leads to your happiness? What leads to happiness in the long term and the short term? What do you think man?

      • http://lucidability.com/ Jamie Alexander

        That’s the thing. Being happy in the now doesn’t mean leaving a bad job or staying in a bad relationship. It’s about being completely free in the NOW. I used to work with my dad and I hated it. Just because I wanted better. I used to go to work feeling like crap and work turned out crap. Once I began to find happiness in the now then it began to feel good.

        This is a extreme example, but just say you are about to lose your house. Why are you unhappy. Being unhappy is only going to make you feel like crap. It’s going to happen anyway. If you can be happy in the now then you know that no matter what happens you will always be happy.

        Basically everyone has a choice. Once you learn to be happy you will realize you can do anything, and all along the path you will be happy.

        As for the questions – I’ll start with number 2: I don’t think there is happiness in long and short terms. Happiness is a state of mind that can he had at any time. Right now if you can find it.

        Number 1: The process that lead to my happiness was minimalism. Giving away nearly everything I own so I only have myself. I’ve talked about it before but stiff like lucid dreaming, meditation and bodyweight exercises are my tools. All are free with no equipment but myself. I’d love to live and survive on a desert island with just me. So me finding happiness was getting rid off everything. Obviously not my laptop lol. But when I’m running a business from anywhere with only a 30 liter backpack that will be the final destination of my happiness.

        It’s like if you were in jail. Would you die because you have nothing, or would you find inner happiness?

        I think I found all that out because I had anxiety and depression for ages. I said to myself when I was better nothing would matter as long as I had me and nothing else. I basically told myself that I could give up everything and nothing bad would happen, and that is what keeps me feeling completely free.

        • http://twitter.com/downfromtheledg downfromtheledge

          I think you make excellent points; if we can’t find happiness in this moment, why would we think we can find it when ___ happens, or tomorrow, or next year? I just wrote about this, too. I have also found that the less “things” I have, the shorter my to-do list, the less clutter crowding my day – the more at peace I am with it all.

          • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

            Isn’t this fascinating? It appears the less we have the more free we can feel. I found myself walking in my place the other day and thinking “I have everything I need”. I then looked at my silverware. I had 3 spoons. I thought to myself “Why do I need 3 spoons?” I’m one person… Now I am trying to figure out which day of the week I am supposed to get rid of metals (LOL!)- Japan is pretty crazy about their trash pick up. They have specific days for trash, plastics, glass, metals, etc.

            This is only the start though. I have been looking at my place and throwing away EVERYTHING that I don’t need. It really does make me feel more free. It is just so interesting to me that I can feel like I have more with less :)

        • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

          Wow Jamie! You articulated your point really well. I think this line of yours sums it rather well:

          “It’s about being completely free in the NOW”

          That is powerful stuff man. Is this freedom? For me, I would say- yes it is. True freedom means I can do what I want to do right now.

          I think I am getting a better understanding why you approach life the way you do. Yes, you have mentioned many of these things in a variety of comments but I never really connected them until now.

          I think that happiness is a consequence of a process. Those processes may be small, minute, and difficult to identify but they are ever present. It sounds like your negative experiences (struggling to work with your father, feeling depressed) eventually became part of your process to recognize what leads to your happiness. Correct?

          Since I moved to Kyoto minimalism has started to fascinate me. I threw away a TON of stuff before the move because it was just too difficult to ship it. Plus, my new place is small. The irony, is that I now feel more free with substantially less. The more we have the more it can restrain us. You clearly understand this.

          You brought this conversation up to a whole new level man :) . You have me thinking about “What is happiness?” and “Is happiness a choice?” Those are some good questions to sit with for a while.

          • http://lucidability.com/ Jamie Alexander

            It’s powerful stuff. Simple things like when I was working and I’d be throwing stuff in bags or mixing cement. That could slowly kill someone. Instead I would just think about posts I wanted to write etc. My mind would be completely free and my body would be doing the work. Obviously everyone will have different ways to be free.

            I don’t necessarily think of minimalism of having less stuff. It’s more about freedom.

            For example, you could have a contract phone and have to worry about paying the bill every month, or you could have a pay as you go and would be completely free in that regard. The same with a car. You could go all fancy and pay hundreds on loans every month, or you could have something completely paid off. It’s a weight of your mind = freedom.

            And skills are important, and everyone has different ones. If you or I were to lose our jobs and end up homeless we wouldn’t need to live in the street. We could use a public library and write articles to build up some money. That’s complete freedom from homelessness because of a minimal amount of skills.

            I want to live in a tropical country because I’ve said to myself I never want to be cold. I want to be free from ever feeling bad because of the weather.

            And this is where I really don’t think minimalism means less stuff. Just say I was living in Bangkok. I could have some clothes that I bought, or some speakers. If I wanted to move to Mexico I could just move away. Try and sell them, but not care if I do. So maybe they are lying around my apartment, but I am completely free of them that I don’t need them and can walk away.

            And my website. I have my domain in a special place where only offline methods can ever move it. And I back my files up in multiple could storage. So if anything was to happen to my laptop, get stolen or something, I could easily run my business from an internet cafe and buy a simple netbook and download my stuff from cloud backup. Complete freedom.

            And learning about diet. Once you learn about intermittent fasting you realize that the body can go 36 hours without slowing your metabolism down. So you could be stuck anywhere with no access to food for a few days and it wouldn’t matter. If I go on a 12 hour plane journey and have no food I can still feel free because I know I don’t need it.

            And if I was to get silly I could say if I lost my passport or cards I could easily get new ones. And I’ve got a hammock to take with me in Thailand(and it’s warm) so if the worst was to happen I could sleep in a hammock outside, run my business from a 10c per hour internet shop and eat street food and I could survive on $100 per month.

            I’ve still always got my lucid dreaming, writing, meditation and exercise which is my hobbies, so I can have a good life with practically nothing.

            Basically that’s my idea of minimalism and being happy in the NOW, and living a life that’s completely free. It especially helps that I am my own boss. I think being in the air force helped my appreciate freedom a bit too much lol

          • http://lucidability.com/ Jamie Alexander

            Plus that’s a good thing about the spoons.

            You’ll find that if you only have the essentials you will never have to worry about having lots of dishes pile up. You can just give them a quick wash and it’s as if you don’t even need to do any washing up. Another thing to strip from your life.

          • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

            This is blowing my mind Jamie. I know pretty much next to nothing about minimalism but over the last month as I was preparing for this move I started to begin to think about it.

            If I am understanding you correctly than minimalism is about freedom. It isn’t about having less items, it is about simplifying our lives and consequentially giving us more freedom.

            With more freedom comes more opportunity.

            It is interesting because unconsciously I think I got this. This is why I was starting to become attracted to it over the last month but until it was explained so bluntly I never really got it.

            It sounds like it simply comes down to having what you need to create the most freedom possible. Maybe I am misunderstanding, but even if I am I REALLY like this concept.

            That is the exact reason I quit my job in America, it is the exact reason I quit my job in Japan. It killed my freedom. It limited my opportunities and options. Everything I am doing in my life right now deals with creating a lifestyle filled with the freedom to choose what I want to do.

            Awareness seems to an incredibly critical component to all of this. You know no matter what you will be okay. This is a huge F’ing deal. Some people fear the worst because they fear if it does happen then they won’t be okay (whatever the hell that means).

            Also, I had no idea you were in the air force. Pretty crazy stuff bro.

            In regards to the spoon I completely agree. Actually that was the exact reason I was a little bit annoyed at having three of them. I was like “this just creates more dishes to clean”.

          • http://lucidability.com/ Jamie Alexander

            haha yeah, 5 years of my life I won’t get back. I didn’t go to any wars or anything. I joined up to see the world and ended up living in a shoe box lol.

            I think minimalism can mean what you want it to mean for you. I do have little stuff as I agree that it gives you the immediate satisfaction of weight off your shoulders.

            But then after you get rid of the possessions, it’s also about getting rid of the things causing stress in your life and trying to reach that goal of ultimate freedom.

            But once you start doing it a little at a time you will think of new ways how it can apply to your life and what you can change. It’s almost like minimalism is also a journey you are on and you feel better each step of the way.

  • Fabiana

    I think embracing the mystery means doing your best in the moment, in the day you’re in, without letting your mind drift to the future all the time. If what you’re doing is in harmony with what you want for your future, I mean if you’re already on track, even better. 
    If you don’t really know “the truth” or what you want at all… Then you have to be patient, but not embrace the mystery so much that you aren’t looking for the truth. Does that make sense?

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Fabiana I read your comment and then I was left thinking one thing: Wow!

      Fabiana your comment makes more than sense! It adds a a whole new layer to the conversation and has helped me better understand what the truth really is.

      “If what you’re doing is in harmony with what you want for your future”
      I simply love this line (I just quoted you on twitter). This is aligning our present moment with the future. That is so well put :) .
      There is an incredible difficult balance between embracing the mystery but not getting so weird and out there that you forget to attempt to solve the mystery. Of course the irony here is that I do not believe we can ever truly solve it 100 percent. But we can get closer. Things that didn’t make sense can make sense. Things that used to overwhelm us become acceptable. Slowly we make progress.
      Fabiana this comment has added so much to the conversation. Thank you :)

      • http://twitter.com/fgrisanti Fabiana Grisanti

        Thank you for the tweet and you’re welcome for sharing :) Now to apply that quote… That’s the challenge. Gosh I’ll try to stay as wise when I start school again! Lol. 
        I started summer break/ holiday/ vacation whatever you call it he 3rd of august practically after EVERYONE finished, even in Vzla. But I’m going to Spain in a couple of days! That’s why I’ve had a hard time coming up with a new resolution/ cold shower project. It’s like, you don’t want to start a diet when you’re in a foreign country ;) not that that’s what I had in mind. But it is a whole month. Hmm. 
        Thanks for writing Izzy :)

        • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

          It is always harder to apply the quotes then to say them. But sometimes we only know the quotes because we already live them :) .

          Wow, you are heading to Spain! That is awesome. Whenever I travel something always happens that helps me develop some pretty crazy ideas. I think if you are patient and open to the experience a new project/idea will naturally develop… Just don’t embrace the mystery too much (I got that one from you!).

  • Tony

    Superb piece! Very thought provoking. I’m going to grab a coffee and read that again! :)

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Haha! Awesome Tony :) . I am glad you enjoyed it. I would love to know your thoughts on it if you have a moment. I always welcome differing perspectives as I think it adds a lot to the conversation.

  • http://www.vishnusvirtues.com/ Vishnu

    I think a lot of us realize the lie but how many of us are wiling to do something about it?

    People regularly tell me they want to do x,y,z but can’t because of a,b,c, Those are the people that this question should really wake up.

    If you’re ignorant, then you’re not awake. But if you are awake, know you’re living a lie and don’t do anything about it, then you’re robbing yourself of living the life you were meant to live.

    You don’t have to sell all your possessions and become a ninja but you can slowly discover your true self and inch towards your dream, even if that dream is watching a movie about your dream or talking to someone who achieved your dream.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      It’s just like you have previously mentioned: first is figuring it out, next is believing it’s possible, and the last most difficult step is actually doing it.

      Man oh man, I am simply floored by how many people want to do “x,y,z” but won’t because of “a,b,c”. What blows my mind is that nearly everyone wants to do something, yet so few do it. Why? We often come up with these excuses that are nothing but cop outs and lies.

      The irony is that coming up with these excuses is a self defense mechanism meant to protect us. It is our survival instincts kicking in. But in our attempt to solely survive we don’t actually live.

      They need solid “How To” post. LOL! Are you gonna give it to them V?

      • http://www.vishnusvirtues.com/ Vishnu

        all right you talked me into it. A solid how to break out of your lie and achieve your dream. Unless you write it first. lol

  • http://www.modernmom.com/blogs/wendy-irene Wendy Irene

    This post reminds me so much of why I love meditation. Meditation is the best way I know how to uncover the truth, because like you said sometimes it is hiding. Meditation really helps me figure out what I want, even if it takes a lot of time. I think not knowing is a gift in a lot of ways. We are better off when we make peace with that. Great post, Izzy!

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      I think it is crazy powerful to find ways to be able to step back and just reflect. Or maybe sometimes it is powerful to just step back and stop thinking :) .

      I think there is something to be said about just being present. It is an art that is often completely misunderstood and shred apart by so many cliche quotes. But there is some crazy power in it.

      Always happy to have you join the conversation Wendy :) .

  • http://www.breakingthehabitofme.com/ Breaking The Habit Of Me

    Brilliant!

    “Dare to answer the questions” Thank you for this. I know I have always had that tendency to live the lie. The questions were always there. They nag away and nip and bite and suck. But I would fend them off. Because I was scared of the truth. Because I can dress up the lies, and make them fit. Because that is what lies are for. To create an illusion of everything being OK when it isn’t. So I can befriend the lies and find comfort in them. And the lies only ever want me to stay where I am.

    Of course I didn’t know this each time I lied. This has just struck me from reading this post. At the time it was just a feeling. i knew somewhere the lie was present. I know the feeling well, but never understood it. Now all I have to do is watch for the feeling. And when I see it, it is time to start daring to answer the questions. This one is staying with me.

    Cheers, Izzy

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Yeah man! That is what is crazy about the lie! It cloaks itself in whatever it can find. No matter what though, if we buy into it we will live a subpar mediocre life. It is strange though because somewhere inside of us we know something is wrong with it, but we can’t put our finger on it. So we often just let it be. We just live with it, justify it, and settle.

      I’m glad this message really resonated with you. This is a post that I feel very strongly about.

  • Marie Martin

    Izzy,
    Your post reminds me of my favorite quote from my favorite book, “Letters to a Young Poet” by Rainer Maria Rilke. He writes, “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
    I think Rilke would agree with you about embracing the mystery…
    I think true happiness means embracing the unknown and accepting the reality that maybe there is no “truth.” It’s best if we just enjoy the questions themselves.
    Marie

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      First off I have to say welcome to the community Marie :) . I’m thrilled that you checked out the content.

      I agree with you. I think we have to find ways to embrace the mystery. It is so darn complex though, because I think there is also danger in trying to hard to embrace the mystery. I know many folks who spend all of their life meditating, praying, and trying to be present so much that they forget to just go out and live life.

      That is such a lovely and beautiful quote. I love it because it focuses on “living” with the question. I think that the danger of trying to embrace the mystery is that we can forget to move forward with our lives. But the beauty of that quote is that it focuses on living life and then recognizing that maybe, possibly we will live out those answers of which we might not even be searching for :) .

      Thanks for adding so much to the conversation with your awesome comment!

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  • Benjamin Feldman

    Great post, Izzy! It is amazing how easy it is to get “sucked into someone else’s reality” and to lose sight of what it is that makes you happy or whatever your own goals and dreams are. It can happen gradually and suddenly you feel like you’ve lost your way. It’s hard to find the truth, but one key is to spend time with people you really care about. That seems to always lead me toward the truth.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Dude, Ben! Your suggestion/tip/insight is awesome. I can tell this is something that you do, because it is a fairly unique response. I think one of the reasons it is so powerful to spend time with those we love is because they love us for who we are. When we feel loved for who we are this encourages us to be ourselves. When we feel comfortable being ourselves then this opens up doors to explore what we truly want.

      Well thought out Ben.