Ask The Readers: What is the biggest frustration in the pursuit of your dream?

Share this on Twitter

I want to do something a little bit different today.

I am always writing blog posts about content that is on my brain. Sometimes it resonates with you – sometimes maybe not :) .

Today is all about you:

I’m always sharing my struggles and how I deal with them. Now it’s your turn. In the comments below please answer this question.

What is the biggest frustration in the pursuit of your dream? 

I want to leave it open for readers to comment and give feedback to one another. One rule: Be respectful :) . Of course, I’ll reply to every comment as well!

Sidenote: I will be using these comments to write future posts. So, If you have been wanting me to write a post that addresses a specific topic then this is your chance – leave it in the comments below :) .

 

  • http://lucidability.com/ Jamie Alexander

    Hey Izzy,

    I think a good topic would maybe be on different ways people could live out their dream. So you obviously talk about studying a martial art. Other blogs talk about lying on a beach. But maybe a post with X ideas about what to do, just so people that maybe don’t know could get some pointers.

    Then you could ask everyone what their dream is and find new ways to tie things together and it might give even more ideas about future blog posts.

    At the moment mine is time and money, but then isn’t everyone’s lol

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      What’s up Jamie :) .

      Man oh man! That is a freaking fantastic idea. I think one of the potential dangers of this site is that since I frame a lot of the posts around my dream that it can be easy for someone to think “Okay you want to be a ninja, but how does that connect to my dream?” I think a post like that would hone in on it.

      You are correct – time and money seem to be a big frustration for a lot of people. I deal with a lot of psychology type stuff on this site. I definitely hit upon those elements sometimes – but I could go into way more detail about how I have saved money, make money, blah blah blah :) .

      Also, I’m currently working on a few strategie in my life to increase my income – if they work I’ll be writing a post about it in a few months. If it fails I’ll be sharing those lesson too.

      Thanks for taking the time to comment Jamie – this info is priceless!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=542093525 Kimberly Anne Trout

    For me, the biggest frustration in the pursuit of my dream is the daily hum-drum. I have a goal in mind, a vision of what I want to do, and the daily grind wears me down. It’s not the work (the right work isn’t work!), it’s not that I think every second I should feel like a kid in a cosmic candy store. It’s losing the daily motivation. Cuz, let’s face it, routine gets stagnant. For example, I want to compete in physique (like bodybuilding, but a little softer). I NEED routine! I must be consistent. But doing the same thing every day gets dull…even my body agrees with this statement as my muscles adapt. What was challenging two weeks ago is kinda easy now. And if I don’t continually monitor my changes and continually tweak my “daily hum-drum,” I get in a rut and lose sight of my dream. It’s strange how we as humans can feel so passionately about something, and then, over a little bit of time if we don’t nurture it, we just forget.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hi Kimberly :) .

      This is a big challenge – but definitely manageable. For some people it is easy to start but the problem is keeping going one months, two months, ten months down the road.

      For me, the way I keep myself going is to be constantly striving for growth every single week (actually every single day!). I sit down each week and do an analysis of the actions I took the previous week and ask this question: “Which of last weeks behaviors will take me towards my goals?” “Which of last week’s behaviors will not take me towards my goals?” and “What do I need to do differently to reach my goals?” I then plan my week according to the answers on those questions.

      The most important thing above all else (for me) – is to always focus on growth. As you point out what once was difficult can become easy. That is beautiful! This means you need to add a new challenge to the list.

      I don’t want to minimize your point – by saying what I said above will solve it all – It won’t. You bring up a very real and honest challenge (for everyone!).

      I’m going to do some more thinking about this one. I think this will likely lead to a future blog post.

      Thank you for taking the time to put in such an honest and insightful comment!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=542093525 Kimberly Anne Trout

        Thanks Izzy! I love the idea of a weekly run-down on the last week. I keep a daily log of my progress, but I need that middle ground perspective of a weekly tweaking. It’s easy to see “the forest” or “the trees” but, I also need to see the bugs on the tree and the deer walking around… :-)

        • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

          Super duper wonderful Kimberly :) . I’m really glad you found it helpful. Please let me know how it works out. Either reply in the comments or shoot me an email at izzy@30yearoldninja.com

  • Suzanne Stormon

    My frustration is trying to prioritize my actions. I have several related goals; writing a memoir, starting a blog, learning public speaking, building expertise. I’m trying to build a business around helping people who are going through long term rehabilitation from injury or illness. I tend to lose track of all the threads and so don’t get far enough on any of them. Maybe a blog about this sort of a problem?

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hi Suzanne :) .

      This is a super question!

      I think that we often get caught up in trying to find “the perfect action”. But sometimes we just flat out don’t know where to start. In these moments I look at my options and I just choose one and run with it. Whatever you choose give your full focus to it.

      Here is a question that I ask that often helps me: “What can I do right now?” Based on what you put forward it sounds like a blog is the thing you are most able to do right now. I reccomend you go ahead and start it today! This will be incredibly confidence building because you will be moving forward on a goal that you have set.

      Another option is to ask yourself: Where do I want to be in 10 years? Create a detailed 1 page description. Include what you wear, who you talk to, and what you do. Be super detailed. Then ask yourself the question “What is the one thing I can do today that will move me towards this?” Then choose that 1 action and do it. In the beginning it is more important that you do something than doing the right thing.

      Just keep making progress each and every day.

      Great question.

      • Suzanne Stormon

        Thanks Izzy

        I love your answer. I think you’re right. I always look for the perfect action and then spend more time on that search than I do on the action. I’m going to create that vision description today and start with your planning worksheets. I’m also going to look for a blog site and start building the site.

        • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

          Super duper insanely awesome with a cherry on top Suzanne :) .

          Go out and make it happen!

  • Lori

    Hi Izzy, I’ll make it simple: deciding what your passion is! I have no idea what my passion is. Yes I love to scuba dive – but I don’t want to make a living as a dive master. I love art, but have never taken courses and don’t see how it can support me. I’ve been ‘stuck’ in management my whole life because I make great money doing it and for the most part like what I do, but I don’t love it.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hello Lori :) .

      It sounds like you have a few ideas of things you like but aren’t quite sure if they are your passion. Here is the thing: making money with your passion requires creativity and out of the box thinking. Also, it is scary because if it something we are passionate about then we are putting a piece of our identity on the line.

      If you love scuba diving – you don’t have be a scuba dive teacher to make money. Off the top of my head – you could create a blog that informs and educates people on scuba diving. You wouldn’t be teaching about it, you would be sharing your passion about it. As you become a more knowledgeable source opportunities will open up. You can take photography of scuba diving and sell them to individuals or scuba diving companies. You can do an interview series with other expert scuba divers and identify what “problems” they have. All products are simply a solution. So if you can figure out a solution to their problem then you can make a business out of that.

      These are all quick off the top of my head ideas – It took me 5 minutes. I don’t offer any of these as “the solution” but instead examples of different ways you can make money within one thing. No matter what route you choose it will be challenging. This is the power in following your passion – it will give you the push and drive to push forward in the times of struggle and challenge.

      Because you already have a high paying job you can set aside some time each week to put towards those things you enjoy. Be open to your own creative ideas. The most important thing you can do is to try. If you try new things you will learn new things. As you learn new things – new opportunities will open up.

      It all starts by taking that first step. Don’t try to find that thing you “love” focus on what you like and take some steps forward with it. Remember: sitting around and “waiting” for the right choice is no different then choosing to do nothing – both have the same result.

      I hope this helps.

      Thank you so much for adding to the conversation with this question.

      • Lori

        Thanks so much. I love how you think. You are truly an inspiration and I loved your latest video! I get it Izzy! : )

        • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

          That is really nice of you to say Lori :) .

          Thank you.

  • Hanneke

    My biggest frustration would be relationships. Part of my dream is
    sharing it with someone special. But somehow I seem to end up letting
    these ‘special someones’ compromise my dream for a while, until I
    realize it and then feel I need to break things off for being myself and
    following my dream is more important. Did you ever deal with this
    paradox: being in a relationship OR being a ninja? I know HAVING BOTH is
    possible, but… Well, just wondering about your thoughts Izzy!

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hi Hanneke :) .

      Thanks for putting this question out there – it’s outstanding.

      There are a variety of different thoughts on this – mine is that we must first seek our dreams and then in time the person we become will naturally draw in those people that align with us.

      Of course it would be wonderful if we meet someone whose dream we support and we can support their dreams as well. But sometimes, it is the person we become in the pursuit of a dream that will make us beautiful and irresistible to that special someone :) .

      But this will depend on the dream itself as well. In my case because my dream has required travel – it is easier being single. But in other cases it would fit rather nicely to have a dream with someone else.

      Personally, when I do end up with that “special someone” I hope to have specific hopes and dreams with that person. I don’t want my dreams to be separate entities. I want my dreams to be part of their’s and their dreams part of mine.

      This is kind of a complex answer but it is a rather complex question you bring up :) .

  • Gaël

    Hi Izzy. I think the biggest frustration in following my dreams is the uncertainty around it. Going after what I really want in life is great and liberating but it still doesn’t guarantee success. On the other hand, the whole risk around it, and the adrenaline rush I get when I go after what I want, is what makes it worth it. Not totally sure if I’m making sense right now but anyway, that’s a great question we should ask ourselves :)

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Haha! Your making total sense Gael!

      You have done well – the reason I say this is because you have tasted the adrenaline rush of making progress in your dream. It is what I call “The awesome cycle” – the more we do the more awesome we feel, hence making us addicted to doing more :) .

      In terms of uncertainty I think this is a tough issue – To some degree all dreams have this. But there are things that we can build up inside of us that allow us to embrace and welcome the uncertainty because we know the potential opportunities it brings.

      I think the more self esteem and confidence we have the greater our response to uncertainty. Check out my comment to Jessie :) . I discuss it there.

      Thank you so much for adding so much to the conversation.

  • Pragati Kavilkar

    My biggest frustration is dependence, due to frequent illness and emotional problems I am not able to set my foot out of my house. Even though I push myself to go and give an interview so that at least I get a job and earn a little financial freedom. I feel worn out in a few sessions of interview. I wonder when will I get past that level. And also, facing rejection so many times is depressing me. I wonder where am I going wrong ? It is my dream to live on my own and go to college some day.
    And the things I hear from people (to whom I share this dream) is scaring me. The things I hear go like this :
    You are a girl someone will take advantage of you.
    You’re so small, you should stay with your parents.
    Honey, this world is a big bad place, how will you survive ?
    I feel like saying “shut up all of you. Stop scaring me…!”
    But the truth is, after hearing it so often and from so many people I have started believing it and I am scared. Very scared.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hello Pragati :) .

      First off thank you for sharing such an open and honest comment. I am sure that other people will read it and they will not feel so alone with their feelings.

      Here are a few thoughts – who you share your dream with is an insanely big deal. Dreams are precious. They are a part of our core. So when someone rejects your dream it feels as if they are rejecting you. We are all human so if people are constantly shooting down your dream and goals, a piece of us will believe it.

      It is very important that you identify people that support your dreams and only discuss it with them.

      Here is another thought: How we view our own interaction with the world is insanely important. In your language it sounds as if you see yourself who has been rejected many times. You can flip that – you can say “you are the type of person who cannot be stopped because no matter what happens you keep trying.” This alone is confidence building. It is very important to start building up your confidence.

      This can be done by reading positive self help type books, reading positive encouraging blogs with practical application (like this one), listening to educational and inspiring audio (try anything by Brian Tracy), and setting tiny goals each day and then accomplishing them.

      Of course, all of this takes time – I am not trying to diminish the challenge you are facing by simply saying the above will solve all. It is not easy, but it can be done.

      I will definitely be working on a post to build confidence and self esteem.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment Pragati :) .

    • Jessie

      I hope I am not intruding with my reply, but your comment really moved me, Pragaiti. I made the choice (many years ago) to leave my small town in Canada and move to NYC to attend a performing arts school there. A lot of people thought I was nuts, and it was scary. I am super sensitive, and I was also afraid that auditions and the nature of show business would chew me up and spit me out. What helped me sometimes was to try and create tinier goals that I could meet at auditions instead of always getting the gig. Sometimes it was just to show up, or to breathe more, or to try a new song. I felt like I could feel better about my progress and achieve a little more that way. It helped me feel a little less rejected. I wish I had more ways! Hope I didn’t butt in…

      • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

        Jessie you are super duper welcome to chime in any time you please (especially when you are so willing to share your own challenges and struggles and include a solution – that’s a synergism of awesomeness).

        Thank you for taking the time to help out a fellow human!

  • Jessie

    It has been amazing reading what frustrations people have shared already, and I can identify with many of them. I also struggle with the uncertainty, and lack of things like benefits and a pension plan. I know there are other ways to create these things for myself, but dang it, it is tough to give up. I also feel really conflicted at times with my own mind set, that need to feel “legit” in terms of career vs. feeling like a fraud as a self employed/motivated worker. I know it is all my own self inflicted ideas that are holding me back, but I do struggle with it.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hi Jessie :) .

      These comments are blowing my mind too! They are wonderful :) (Your included!).

      Uncertainty is a fascinating thing to me. I think in many cases we often assume we can develop certainty by attaining certain outside securities in our life (a good job, good pay, good relationships, etc). But I believe that certainty is a psychology. In other words certainty isn’t created by what we have but rather how we think.

      Of course, in an extreme – if you have no home, no money, and no family that isn’t certain. But arguing from extremes is a waste of all our time :) .

      This leads to the question of “how does one attain security psychologically?” I want to say it deals with self esteem and confidence. This is because when we have strong self esteem and self confidence it allows us to believe that we can handle any situation that is thrown our way. And on top of this even if it does knock us down – we have the self esteem and confidence to quickly rebound.

      This is a truly fascinating comment Jessie. It really got my mind thinking :) .

      I’m going to start thinking of potential future posts related to “Budiling self-esteem and Confidence” – as I think there are very practical day to day actions that can build this up.

      Please – if you feel my comment has gone down a path that doesn’t make sense or you disagree then let me know. I want this to be a dialogue.

      Thank you for taking the time to add so much to the conversation :) .

      • Jessie

        I am going to digest this feedback in little bite-sized bits, there is a goldmine of stuff here. Thanks for giving me even more to think about….

        • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

          Wonderful Jessie :) . I hope it helps you move forward. By the way I got your email and will be responding within 24 hours :) .

  • Walter B.

    My biggest frustrations are deciding where to put my energy when I have several
    related goals, and how to make a plan and prioritize when several areas of my life need work. (Need to find my passion project and source of income.)

    I’m very scattered and am currently living in my head and not in the real world.

    I’ve also been frustrated by that fact that after achieving a dream I eventually set my sights on something else and have to begin again. But I’m trying to adopt the mentality that all of this learning and struggling and growing is one of the beautiful parts of life….

    I’m glad I stumbled upon your blog because it articulates some of the techniques
    I used to fulfill two of my own dreams in the arts and communications fields. I think the idea of ‘Just Start’ is key. Have faith that taking some small steps will lead to more steps. Planning is also important, especially when pursuing lifestyles or careers that are less stable financially. Doing a budget on a spreadsheet really helped me.

    I guess I need to apply those thoughts to my current situation! Thinking about it is easy – doing is so much harder. Need to find some courage and confidence in myself to make it happen.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hi Walter :) .

      Thanks for taking the time to comment and share your challenge.

      Have you seeing the method I use for planning and prioritizing? I shared it in a post a little while ago. The title is: How I quit my job, doubled my pay, and pursued my dream in a country where I don’t even speak the language. here is the link: http://30yearoldninja.com/doubledmypay/

      In that I explain my method for prioritizing and focusing. It might help you out :) . Make sure to watch the video as I explain some important things about goals in it.

      Do you write out your goals? If you don’t this can be extremely powerful. In particular it allows us to see relationships between the goals that we previously may not have realized.

      Writing out my goals has been one of the most massive drivers of focus that I have ever done. I check my goals on a weekly basis which is a really powerful experience for me.

      As you seem to understand very well – it all comes down to taking action. Trying to be perfect is a waste of time. Instead it is more powerful to just come up with something that is okay and to focus on execution.

      Please don’t be too hard on yourself – It all is part of the journey man! (I know your working on accepting this more and more but I had to throw it out there).

  • Tomo

    My biggest frustrations are that my dreams do not cope with the rest of my family( kids + wife ). I´m stucked up with my situation, want to quit my job, move to another place and get a sort of restart of my life, v2.0, but I really dont know what to do or how to do it?
    Nice vid./Tomo

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hello Tomo :) .

      Thanks for being so honest and real about your struggle. I say the following with a very small understanding of your situation. If it helps wonderful!

      I believe that when a person is married and with children we can still have dreams. In fact, these dreams can be immensely more powerful than I (a single person) can have. This is because our dreams are no longer just our dreams but are the families dreams.

      Have you sat down with your wife and asked her: Where would you like you and I to be in 5 years? Where do we want our children to be in 5 years, 10 years? This can be an incredibly powerful conversation because it allows you and your partner to get on the same page. Have you asked your partner “What are your dreams?” You cannot expect her to support your dreams unless you support hers. Once you know her dreams share your dreams. No matter how crazy they are – be open and honest. Try to work together to come up with ways to make it possible.

      One thing that it is powerful is to set some guidelines prior to having the conversation. Promise to listen and not interrupt – this will allow each person to know they are being heard. Some people even use the phrase “What do you think?” after they are done as an indicator to show they are finished. Also, make sure the conversation is solution focused and encouraging – in other words nobody is allowed to say “you can’t do that!” Instead statements such as “How can we make this possible?” and “What changes would be required to make it work?”

      The major goal above all else is to get you and your partner on the same page. Instead of seeing one another as barriers to achieving your dreams you should see each other as teammates.

      I hope with all my heart this gives you some help and insight to move forward with you and your families dreams :) .

  • http://www.facebook.com/marcelo.chinellato Marcelo Chinellato

    Hey Izzy, I have been reading your blog for awhile and I love your approach. Your dream is also close to me since I love Japanese culture, language, martial arts, etc. So, this is my first comment.

    My biggest frustration in the pursuit of my dream is… myself and the lack of focus I’ve had to keep me on track to achieve it. Having said that, in some ways I am now leaving the dreams that I wanted for myself about 5-7 years ago and I am happy with my life and what I achieved. But, people change and now I have new aspirations. My new dream would be to have more time to travel the world, be location independent and have the autonomy to spend time with who is important to me. I believe I am intelligent and capable of doing it, probably via an online business, but I haven’t had the ability to focus and give all my energy and take enough action to make it happen.

    So, what happens is that every time I think about it, I repent and think what else I could have achieved if only I had put my mind to it. On another side I also live a blessing that is a curse. I have a good, interesting job that pays well, so to leave it all to pursue what I want is a massive trade-off with big implications. I have been trying to remind myself that although I love it, this is also what is holding me back to have more freedom and this is also what is taking my time to invest in pursuing my dream lifestyle.

    Thanks for reading :)

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hello Marcelo :) .

      Wow – your honesty and sincerity warms my heart :) . Your struggle is very real – but when I hear it I do not see someone who has not set their “mind to it” but rather someone who has been on a journey to reach his current place.

      Here are my thoughts – you have more clarity about what you want then you realize. You basically said within the message above exactly what you want – to travel the world via a location independent business.

      I would highly encourage you to take out a piece of paper and write down a 1 page vision for exactly what you want your life to be like 2 years from today. What time do you wake up? What activities do you participate in? Who do you talk to? What excites you? How do you make money? Etc. Don’t worry about it being “realistic” – The sky’s the limit :) .

      In doing this it will bring even more clarity to what you want to do.

      Use this vision to establish goals in all areas of your life – Relationships, health, financial, Personal Development, Spiritual, and Career goals. You can play with these topics but these are what I use :) . Write down anywhere between 2 to 3 goals for each of the categories.

      Here is why this is so powerful – you are basing these goals off of the perfect day in your life 2 years down the road – so you know they are exactly what you want!

      Here is the next step and it is so freaking important – break these 2 year goals into 90 day goals. Then each week sit down and read over your goals – identify the exact steps you can take that week towards your 90 day goals. Then do it.

      As you continue to move forward you will feel momentum because you know you are doing something worthwhile.

      Two more things that are insanely powerful – 1) Educate yourself constantly – if you read non-fiction books (based on your career and life goals) and listen to educational audio you will start to sore! I am sure of this. and 2) Save money :) (more info below).

      You can use your job only as a blessing. Do 2 things – first start saving up money. The initial amount doesn’t matter that much – all that matters is that you get into the “saving habit”. Open a special checking account and call it “The Dream Account”. Every time you drop a dollar in that account it will feel incredible because you will know you are taking steps towards your dreams. I am sure once you get in the habit you’ll start saving more and more (I’ve seeing this time and time again!).

      I know this is a ton of information. I can’t help it! I just get excited :) .

      If you need to mull it over or have any questions about it please either leave it in the comments (so others can see) or feel free to shoot me an email at izzy@30yearoldninja.com and I can help you move forward with the process.

      Peace my man!

      • http://www.facebook.com/marcelo.chinellato Marcelo Chinellato

        Hey Izzy,

        Wow, that is a comprehensive comment! Thank you for your warm and kind reply! It made me smile and I found It energising. And you are right, I didn’t realise that actually everything is pretty clear in my mind in regards to what I want to achieve.

        I saved your e-mail and will definitely use it later (you shared it at your own risk ;) ), but I am replying now in the comments here so I can share my story with others.

        I agree with everything you said and most of what you said is my already my plan, so it was great to have an external reaffirmation.

        First, money: I am actually currently saving 30% of my monthly salary to the “dream fund”. I started a few months ago and I hope that by August next year I will have a “cushion” that will allow me to pay for my cost of living between 6 months and one year (depending on country, lifestyle, etc).

        I have already taken down the piece of paper a few months ago (prob. A year ago) and wrote down my aspirations and what I want to be doing and I have been revisiting it every couple of months ever since then. However, I did not break it down in 90 day goals and then in weekly actionable items that will make me move forward, or whenever I did some close to that, the execution has been poor. I’ve already started doing many things (like start saving) but all on an off and I didn’t necessarily stick to it. Last… I love self education, especially audio books… I listen to them when I am cooking, when at the underground, etc etc and I also read a lot and try to improve my skills where I work. I think I don’t spend one day without reading/listening to something new. I think I am lucky, because I just love doing it!

        So I guess, what I have been missing is to follow these actionable 90 days plans [I actually made my first ever 60 day plan last week to give me a final boost for the end of the year]. I think the two things I need to do right now (besides the plan) are: 1) find an accountability buddy who can help me keep me on track whenever I face roadblocks.That’s where I failed before 2) Talk to more people who are living what I want and take their advice on what they did to get it started and then I can shape my actionable plans according to their feedback!

        Thanks, Izzy, that my made my day (really did!)! Have an amazing weekend! :) ))

        • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

          Yo Marcelo,

          I’m going to throw this your way – I’m expecting some big results if you follow through with this final portion!

          I’ll be glad to have you shoot an email my way with an update on your progress.

          I’m expecting big things man! Big things!

  • http://karenyvonne.net/ Karen

    My BIGGEST frustration is with my impatience. I want to reach my goals like yesterday and it simply doesn’t work that way. It can be so frustrating that it makes me feel like giving up, which is the dumbest thing to do. I have made a lot of positive changes, so I know that this time will be different. On occasion though, the frustration resurfaces and I have to hit the refresh button. Thanks for asking!

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hello Karen :) .

      This is such a great question! I almost wrote “that is such an awesome problem.” But then I realized that wouldn’t sound good – really I mean I think this is a challenge for many people and I am thrilled you brought it to the forefront :) .

      Not too long ago I had a paradigm shift that helped me immensely with this exact issue. For the longest time I was focused on the outcome. When I talked about my grades I would say “I want an A” If I got a B I assumed I had failed. When I played a sport I would say “I want to win the championship” If I didn’t win the championship I considered it all a loss.

      Here is the danger with that attitude – we don’t give ourselves any credit for the journey. Which consequentially means we gain WAY less from the journey.

      Overtime I have realized that outcomes are simply a consequence of process. So now my focus is on process. The process is what makes everything wonderful and great. So for example – If I’m aiming for an A and I get a B in a class (Yes, I’m referring back to my college years – though it’s been a while) this doesn’t mean I failed. Instead it means I learned a bunch of new stuff. Yes, I didn’t learn enough to get an A but I am still more knowledgeable than I currently am.

      I do not know what your dream is but instead of focusing on the outcome what if each and everyday you set out to focus on the process. Then define your success based on process. For example in my case someday I would love to be black belt in Aikido, write books that inspire others to follow their dreams, and travel the world training in martial arts. But today (Friday morning in Japan) my success is defined by the following – I develop an awesome blog post to share with people next week and I train intensely for 2 hours in Aikido. If I do that today I am successful :) .

      I know that if each and everyday I focus on process than someday the outcomes will naturally develop!

      Does all of this make sense or do I sound like a crazy man?

      Please feel free to reply in the comments or shoot me an email at izzy@30yearoldninja.com if you want to further discuss.

      • http://karenyvonne.net/ Karen

        Wow! Thanks for your response this is truly helpful Izzy! :-)

  • Fabiana

    Consistency maybe? I get super excited about my goals some days and then have some days where I just want to be in my comfort zone – TV, reading a book, lazy as hell. And then risk is to lose the habit of sitting down, focusing, etc when I do that for 3-4 days or more I start feeling anxious, lose motivation big time. That I’m going backwards and can’t go back to the right path.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Hi Fabiana :) .

      I think self-discipline is one of those realms that all of us as humans struggle with. In some ways the very nature of it – makes it difficult. If it isn’t hard then it doesn’t take discipline. So if it is hard (which means sometimes we screw up) then it requires self-discipline.

      As of late, I have started to believe that success is merely 2 steps forward and 1 step backwards. Sometimes it is 3 steps forward and 1 step backwards. There are always ups and downs.

      The difference between successful people and those who live mediocre lives is that in the long run successful people continue to push forward.

      When I have a bad or lazy day I always remind myself “Today I lost the battle. Tomorrow is another opportunity to play the game.”

      I also think constant reflection is insanely important. I know for me – somedays there is a good reason why I don’t get as much done. If I take the time to sit back and reflect I can often discover this reason. Other times it is just one of those days.

  • Pingback: The Unexpected Answer to Deal With The Uncertainty, Doubts, And Fears of Pursuing A Dream | The 30 Year Old Ninja

  • Col

    Izzy, I keep on saying money is holding me back from reaching my goal but I think I am lying to myself.
    I need to do a photography course to get the basics in place and of course, that takes money but I am reading more and more about people who are self taught so that might just be a cop-out.
    I think I am just going to make do with what I have (digital camera and mobile) and take it from there…
    Thinking about incorporating the Photography with something else.. the idea just came to me yesterday so perhaps I will go that route….
    Feeling happy about it now that I know I am going to take baby steps to reach that goal and perhaps that goal will have changed at a later stage. Who knows what will happen? :)
    Thanks for your blog. Really glad I found you.

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Col,
      Please pease please follow through with what you just wrote. Those words are incredibly powerful if backed by action.

      I promise you nothing is more powerful than taking action. Don’t listen to anyone who says “you can’t” – they are simply wrong. Nothing is more powerful than real world experience. If you focus on learning and growing each day in the art (of photography) imagine where you can be in 3 months, 6 months, 1 year! It is insanely wonderful!

      Take baby steps and make it happen :) . If you need some encouragement or support (or got some questions) feel free to shoot me an email at izzy@30yearoldninja.com . You got this!

  • http://twitter.com/BrightLilSocks Iris Barzen

    Negative self-talk combined with pressuring myself to get it all done NOW that lead to overwhelm, procrastination and anxiety. Ugh!

    • http://www.30yearoldninja.com/ Izmael Arkin

      Woah Iris – that’s a total dream killer!

      I think we have to replace negative self talk with positive self talk. It really is critical that we become our own biggest cheerleaders. But like anything this is a skill to be developed.

      So for example if you do bad on a test, or you can’t seem to figure out what you want to do with your life your instinctive response may be something like “Gosh! Why can’t I do this!?” But you have to practice catching yourself in these negative moments and instead change your own language.

      You have to practice speaking positively to yourself. Get in the habit of always asking yourself “What can I learn from this?” For me it has gotten so bad (or so good :) ) that I messed up my laundry a few weeks ago and I found myself asking “Okay, what can I learn from this?”

      It’s a really powerful question because it forces us to focus on improvement and solutions rather than taking our own struggles personal. Make sense?